I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize