Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start