Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.

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(828): All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU. http://tfl.nu/f6ai

Replies (33) Good night (3180) Bad night (1405)
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(407): View more from Florida

Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.

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(407): Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast. http://tfl.nu/8b17

Replies (11) Good night (5332) Bad night (1124)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.

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(615): Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again. http://tfl.nu/rwfi

Replies (17) Good night (4254) Bad night (1129)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship

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(401): Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship http://tfl.nu/zpw1

Replies (12) Good night (1040) Bad night (3444)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line

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(401): Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line http://tfl.nu/kpx6

Replies (12) Good night (2819) Bad night (825)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time

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(218): I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time http://tfl.nu/ndy7

Replies (7) Good night (2734) Bad night (986)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.

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(843): Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots. http://tfl.nu/fa6e

Replies (1) Good night (1959) Bad night (865)
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(757): View more from Virginia

He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.

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(757): He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West. http://tfl.nu/mnxm

Replies (12) Good night (1776) Bad night (1076)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out

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(610): She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out http://tfl.nu/xh8n

Replies (2) Good night (1399) Bad night (539)
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(519): View more from Ontario

He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.

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(519): He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire. http://tfl.nu/chwr

Replies (11) Good night (786) Bad night (1091)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.

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(321): I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever. http://tfl.nu/o4s7

Replies (3) Good night (717) Bad night (322)
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(813): View more from Florida

This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.

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(813): This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny. http://tfl.nu/7jk5

Replies (8) Good night (1758) Bad night (433)
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(904): View more from Florida

Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.

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(904): Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/2f4k

Replies (3) Good night (760) Bad night (281)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

He used a "food city great value" card to cut it

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(267): he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli (267): He used a "food city great value" card to cut it http://tfl.nu/fxwe

Replies (2) Good night (310) Bad night (590)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married

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(508): he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married http://tfl.nu/dg6a

Replies (10) Good night (574) Bad night (290)

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