Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to

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  (612): I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to http://tfl.nu/s30p
  Replies (154) Good night (4006) Bad night (895)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?

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  (860): He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended? http://tfl.nu/s6ms
  Replies (12) Good night (1129) Bad night (3802)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science

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  (816): I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science http://tfl.nu/uxxs
  Replies (20) Good night (3632) Bad night (776)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.

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  (303): you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson. http://tfl.nu/oqx8
  Replies (10) Good night (3248) Bad night (691)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.

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  (918): I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical. http://tfl.nu/pf93
  Replies (49) Good night (6282) Bad night (1684)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.

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  (469): I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over. http://tfl.nu/vab8
  Replies (13) Good night (931) Bad night (3956)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.

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  (727): when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test. http://tfl.nu/l54a
  Replies (6) Good night (3341) Bad night (932)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.

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  (337): so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now. http://tfl.nu/ckx3
  Replies (14) Good night (833) Bad night (2255)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night

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  (+44): Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night http://tfl.nu/u76q
  Replies (5) Good night (2162) Bad night (652)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist

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  (615): Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist http://tfl.nu/58no
  Replies (8) Good night (1512) Bad night (652)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.

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  (314): I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use. http://tfl.nu/hohz
  Replies (2) Good night (1204) Bad night (722)
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  (415): View more from California

  STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU

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  (415): STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU http://tfl.nu/78be
  Replies (10) Good night (1790) Bad night (767)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"

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  (843): That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion" http://tfl.nu/omtf
  Replies (9) Good night (412) Bad night (840)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair

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  (+61): I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair http://tfl.nu/4pnl
  Replies (1) Good night (380) Bad night (802)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong

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  (605): Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong http://tfl.nu/jxwn
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (269)

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