I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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