Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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