like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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