She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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