thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
