He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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