Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
