I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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