Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
