I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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