I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are the jesus of drinking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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