I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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