I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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