Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
