There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
