i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
