Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
