She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
