Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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