I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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