Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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