Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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