Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
