i permit you to call me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
