did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
