Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
