its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
they're like a gay fantastic four
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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