one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
