there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So apparently I’m into choking now
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