fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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