Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
