LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
