Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We had sex on a dog bed..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
