I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
