I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize