Just fell off a train. Bad.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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