I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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