i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
