i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
