Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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