guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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