dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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