he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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