You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
