her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
