Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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