u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
