nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
