Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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