How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
