Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
