Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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