I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
