I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
