Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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