obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
