Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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