drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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