My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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