We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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