i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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