I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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