My underwear smells like fireworks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
