how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
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i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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