i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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