Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
