WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
