Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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